Since 1981, every day before the Oscar ceremony is held, the Golden Raspberry Awards are handed out. Not surprisingly, the winners themselves are usually not present to pick up their shameful plastic trophies. Notable exceptions: “Showgirls” director Paul Verhoeven, “Freddy Got Fingered” writer/star/director Tom Green (who accepted five awards for the movie, which I think is a brilliant, misunderstood piece of modern art), and Halle Berry, who won Worst Actress for “Catwoman.”
Julian Sancton’s Vanity Fair Little Gold Man blog says “Leave Sly alone,” but I think his defense of 29-time nominee Sylvester Stallone (a Raspberry record) is misplaced. My cry? “Leave ‘Speed Racer’ alone!” Oh well, you’ve all heard that ad nauseum from me, so I’ll stop now.
I think the Raspberry Awards are at their funniest when they reward stuff that was supposed to be good and really revolted people, like M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Happening” and “The Day the Earth Stood Still.” Some of these possible nominees are too easy a target: “High School Musical 3,” “Postal,” “The Hottie & the Nottie.” Hell, I’ve never even heard of that last one. Although I will admit that those soul-killing, witless spoof movies from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (“Meet the Spatans,” “Disaster Movie”) need to stop immediately. Satire without context or content is not satire at all, just a lot of really unfunny and outdated jokes.
I’ll make this prediction for the winner before the final nominees are even announced: Mike Myers’ “The Love Guru.” Bank on it. Anyway, here’s the shortlist of possible nominees:
Worst Picture: Speed Racer, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans, The Day the Earth Stood Still, High School Musical 3, The Hottie & The Nottie, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, The Love Guru, Postal, Rambo, The Happening, Meet Dave, Witless Protection
Worst Actor: Zac Efron, Dane Cook, Larry the Cable Guy, Eddie Murphy, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Sylvester Stallone, Tom Cruise (Valkyrie), Will Ferrell, Ashton Kutcher, Mike Myers, Adam Sandler, Mark Wahlberg
Worst Actress: Paris Hilton, Jessica Alba, The cast of The Women, Camilla Belle, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Diane Keaton, Jennifer Connelly, Zooey Deschanel, Vanessa Hudgens, Eva Longoria-Parker, Reese Witherspoon
Worst Screen Couple: Any couple from HSM 3, Cameron Diaz & Ashton Kutcher, Paris Hilton & Joel David Moore, Kate Hudson & Dane Cook, Kate Hudson & Matthew McConaughey, Larry the Cable Guy & Jenny McCarthy, Any couple from Mamma Mia, Eddie Murphy & Eddie Murphy (Meet Dave), Al Pacino & His Hair, Mark Wahlberg & Zooey Deschanel, Mark Wahlberg & Mila Kunis, Sylvester Stallone & His Ego
Worst Director: Uwe Boll, Scott Derrickson, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Tom Putnam, Marco Schnabel, Sylvester Stallone, Jon Avnet, Diane English, Roland Emmerich, Brian Robbins, Kenny Ortega, M. Night Shyamalan
Worst Prequel, Sequel, Remake or Rip-Off: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, High School Musical 3: Senior Year, Rambo, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, An American Carol, The Women, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Prom Night, Speed Racer, The X-Files: I Want To Believe
Worst Career Achievement: Uwe Boll, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Madonna, Keanu Reeves, Sylvester Stallone
What is the name of the perfume that is advertised throughout the graphic novel “Watchmen” (not the one shown only at the end)? HINT: It’s not Millenium.
Eric is the Editor-in-Chief of Scene-Stealers.com, a Rotten Tomatoes-approved critic, and contributor for The Pitch. He’s former President of the KCFCC, and drummer for The Dead Girls, Ultimate Fakebook, and Truck Stop Love . He is also the 2013 Air Guitar World Champion Mean Melin, ranked 4th best of all-time. Eric goes to 11. Follow him at:
{ 12 comments }
I’ve read and watched many of your reviews and generally agree with them, but I can’t bring myself to watch Speed Racer. Not even my love for Christina Ricci and the hotness that is Emile Hirsch will make me throw that in my netflix queue.
My vote is for The Happening and Markie Mark. The Love Guru? Well, there will always be stupid comedies…in fact it’s hard to pull off a good one. The Happening on the other hand was a failed thriller, but it was so hilariously bad I actually re-watched scenes. It was crazy bad, it was “couldn’t believe it” bad.
I’ve read and watched many of your reviews and generally agree with them, but I can’t bring myself to watch Speed Racer. Not even my love for Christina Ricci and the hotness that is Emile Hirsch will make me throw that in my netflix queue.
My vote is for The Happening and Markie Mark. The Love Guru? Well, there will always be stupid comedies…in fact it’s hard to pull off a good one. The Happening on the other hand was a failed thriller, but it was so hilariously bad I actually re-watched scenes. It was crazy bad, it was “couldn’t believe it” bad.
Sara- Why the resistance to “Speed Racer”? I encounter this a lot and don’t understandit. What exactly makes you wary?
“The Happening” may pull off the upset over “The Love Guru.” You are right, there will always be bad comedies, but “The Happening” was a laugh-out-loud absurdly and unintentionally funny thriller. You called it here first!
Sara- Why the resistance to “Speed Racer”? I encounter this a lot and don’t understandit. What exactly makes you wary?
“The Happening” may pull off the upset over “The Love Guru.” You are right, there will always be bad comedies, but “The Happening” was a laugh-out-loud absurdly and unintentionally funny thriller. You called it here first!
Long answer:
1. My prejudice against the Wachowski Brothers. I hated The Matrix and its sequels. As a fan of sci-fi, I did try to enjoy those movies, but it never happened despite repeated viewings. Between the dialogue, acting, and a plot which was eerily similar to Dark City, I just couldn’t like ‘em.
2. I wasn’t fond of the original cartoon. In general, I don’t care for cartoons or animated films unless they are traumatizing or depressing in some way (think Watership Down, Grave of the Fireflies, Persepolis). Now that I type that it seems like a strange preference, but whatever. I understand this is a live action version, but it still sounds too squeaky clean to be enjoyable.
3. I don’t have enough time to watch anything and everything so when picking movies I’ll almost always choose substance over eye candy. If I’m in a video store and Speed Racer is sitting next to The Savages…I’m picking The Savages. Perhaps you can relate to the fact that if you’ve seen a ton of movies, you become desensitized. There are the movies that blur together and the ones that stay with you because they somehow (miraculously) manage to reflect something real and human. That’s not to say I don’t like movies with special effects- I just don’t enjoy movies with special effects and not much else going on.
The short answer: Because I’m a pretentious ass.
Long answer:
1. My prejudice against the Wachowski Brothers. I hated The Matrix and its sequels. As a fan of sci-fi, I did try to enjoy those movies, but it never happened despite repeated viewings. Between the dialogue, acting, and a plot which was eerily similar to Dark City, I just couldn’t like ‘em.
2. I wasn’t fond of the original cartoon. In general, I don’t care for cartoons or animated films unless they are traumatizing or depressing in some way (think Watership Down, Grave of the Fireflies, Persepolis). Now that I type that it seems like a strange preference, but whatever. I understand this is a live action version, but it still sounds too squeaky clean to be enjoyable.
3. I don’t have enough time to watch anything and everything so when picking movies I’ll almost always choose substance over eye candy. If I’m in a video store and Speed Racer is sitting next to The Savages…I’m picking The Savages. Perhaps you can relate to the fact that if you’ve seen a ton of movies, you become desensitized. There are the movies that blur together and the ones that stay with you because they somehow (miraculously) manage to reflect something real and human. That’s not to say I don’t like movies with special effects- I just don’t enjoy movies with special effects and not much else going on.
The short answer: Because I’m a pretentious ass.
No, I hear you completely. “The Matrix” sequels sucked and eye candy is never a good enough reason to see a movie. What I’m so excited about in “Speed Racer” is that the substance comes from the way the story is told. It’s all about the presentation. It’s about a kid and his family not selling out and there’s a nimor mystery there as well, but the VFX enhance the storytelling to an insane degree. They ARE the storyelling. So while you may not get anything spiritually out of its simple themes, you may find the methods exciting and envigoration like I did. BTW, I love “Dark City” and have yet to see the Blu-ray director’s cut. Soon…
No, I hear you completely. “The Matrix” sequels sucked and eye candy is never a good enough reason to see a movie. What I’m so excited about in “Speed Racer” is that the substance comes from the way the story is told. It’s all about the presentation. It’s about a kid and his family not selling out and there’s a nimor mystery there as well, but the VFX enhance the storytelling to an insane degree. They ARE the storyelling. So while you may not get anything spiritually out of its simple themes, you may find the methods exciting and envigoration like I did. BTW, I love “Dark City” and have yet to see the Blu-ray director’s cut. Soon…
Why do people hate High School Musical 3 so much? Have they actually seen it or are they just being prejudicial?
Why do people hate High School Musical 3 so much? Have they actually seen it or are they just being prejudicial?
Y’know–that’s so obviously a cheesy movie that’s it’s kind of a “why bother” nomination. I haven’t seen it, but duh. That’s lazy. We’ll see what the actual noms are soon, I guess.
Y’know–that’s so obviously a cheesy movie that’s it’s kind of a “why bother” nomination. I haven’t seen it, but duh. That’s lazy. We’ll see what the actual noms are soon, I guess.
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