[Rating: Rock Fist Way Down]
Available in theaters, On Demand and Digital July 16
The feature directorial debut of Martin Wilson, from a script written by Michael Boughen, Great White purports to be a movie following in the legacy of other great shark attack movies, but can’t even manage the entertainment value of a Jaws knock-off like Piranha.
“In GREAT WHITE, a blissful tourist trip turns into a nightmare when five seaplane passengers are stranded miles from shore. In a desperate bid for survival, the group try to make it to land before they either run out of supplies or are taken by a menacing terror lurking just beneath the surface.”
Here’s Wilson’s director’s statement:
“Prepare to have your heart in your mouth.
I aim to create a striking horror/thriller. A white-knuckle ride into terror where our heroes face the sheer dread of a vast ocean separating them from safety, with unseen dangers surrounding them and circling closer with every passing hour.
There will be a visceral and assured filmic style so the action feels both dynamic and realistic. I’ll use a combination of approaches to build suspense, tension, offer thrills and startle the audience. Importantly, our characters are more than shark fodder – we care about them and genuinely root for their survival.”
No. No. Also no. Nope. Nuh-uh. Definitely not. At no point was my heart in my mouth – although my hand was, to cover up multiple yawns. The film was not striking in any way, shape or form. It is not visceral, unless one counts a single scene of an underwater corpse. Suspense and tension are nearly non-existent. The characters are utterly boring.
I’m not quite sure how one makes a shark-attack movie dull and lifeless, but Wilson managed to do it. Despite all of his hoopla, it appears that the budget allowed for them to take up a sea plane, mock up it sinking, and that was it as far as big set pieces go. The vast majority of the film takes place in an emergency raft with people yelling at one another.
Every character is absolutely flat and boring, with the two women seeming to be sad and the two men angry, and a third man vaguely lecherous, but they kill him off right away, so it’s mad men yelling at one another while the two women try to calm them down. Also, there are sharks down there, but you get one attack every 20 minutes, and that’s it. The rest of the time, it’s interminable arguing which isn’t particularly convincing.
The introduction takes a good amount of time to show just how broke Charlie (Aaron Jakubenko) and Kaz (Katrina Bowden) are, as well as how wealthy Michelle (Kimie Tsukakoshi) and Joji (Tim Kano) are, so obviously that’s the reason the two men are at odds. I guess. It’s a power struggle, but maybe it’s a pride thing or something as well? Who knows? The script never really explains it all.
While all of this could have been forgiven with one great bonkers ending, the sharks look laughably fake – Sharknado fake, really – making the final confrontation an utter letdown, despite it involving using flareguns to shoot these creatures in the face. Filmmakers: when you have a very boring movie with minimal action, then end it with 10 minutes of craziness – maybe figure out a way to channel that energy into the other 80 minutes of screen time?
Here’s a series of photos of my cat, Bella, while we were watching this in the office and her reactions as Great White spooled out on the computer monitor.
Great White is available in theaters, On Demand and Digital July 16.
Nick is a self-described “rock star journalist,” which is strange, considering he’s married with two kids and three cats. This is just further proof that you can’t trust anyone online. In addition to his work for Scene-Stealers, Nick can be found bitching about music elsewhere on the Internet at his blog, Rock Star Journalist, and as Music Editor for The Pitch.
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